Forever attempting to find the answers to life’s puzzling questions
The answers to questions that I feel should have an answer regarding the universe
The answers to questions that I feel should have an answer regarding my own life
Who am I really? Does anyone really know themselves? Have I always known myself? Is myself a self that I never really knew and is all of this information that has come to light over this past year come to light in order to help direct me in finding myself and my place in this universe or, rather, was it a ploy to encourage me to question key parts of myself that needn’t be questioned in the first place?
I always had felt that I was in control of my own life, in control of my own destiny
However, recent events have caused me to wonder if there is much more that is far beyond my control. If this much more which is beyond my control has been the driving force that has pulled me in different directions throughout the course of my life for a purpose and, in addition, if that purpose has been one that was right and necessary or, rather, if that purpose has been one that could have gone without existing, causing life to be much better for me given it’s non-existence.
Feeling out of control of one’s life is the worst feeling known to man and this lack of control I have felt as of late has caused me great inner turmoil and has caused living to become something that is rather annoying because, instead of going about my days as I am the one in control and I am the one making my own choices, I now feel as if perhaps much of my life has been some eclectic combination of the pieces of everyone I have ever known and I now wonder if I am in need of questioning and determining which pieces of the people I’ve known are worth holding on to and which pieces are worth discarding or if this is unnecessary.
I know that most of us have probably all felt similarly at one point or another; deciding which parts of our personalities really work for us and which pieces we truly like while, simultaneously, determining those pieces which don’t quite ring true for our genuine selves
Is this process of self discovery and persistent questioning of my self and the higher universe a necessary process for me at this pivotal stage of my life, or is it one that I can ignore for the time being while going on living my life the way that I always have?
I have always lived as if my being was my own and my choices were my own and this insistent questioning of who I truly am and if the choices I make are really made by me as opposed to being made by energies and ulterior forces beyond my control is truly taking a daily toll on my mind and my body and so it is much easier and much more comforting for me to accept the person that I am and have become after years of diverse and various experiences than it is to continue on this path of forever questioning myself and questioning those forces that I now know to be beyond my control but that I constantly wonder if I have more control over them than I had previously imagined.
Do I continue living how I always lived, even in light of this past year’s events, or do I attempt to discover how I can control those forces and events that I have always felt were beyond my control but now believe to be possibly within my grasp? Can anyone ever control those forces?
I guess the answer lies in how confident I am in my own abilities and how confident I am in the statement that I do have control over things that many people do not
Do I actually have this power? If so, is it necessary to discover it and learn how to use it to my advantage?
At this point, I am still at a cross roads re: if I should continue leading the life I’ve always lived and have always known or if, rather, I should explore an undiscovered avenue in my life which could potentially hold key resources for me and could potentially greatly assist me now and in the future.
How much do I truly believe in this? How much do I truly believe in myself? How much power can one individual really have when combating forces beyond anyone else’s control? How worth it is it to me to attempt to figure out how to control universal events that I had always assumed to be due to karma or other unseeable energies beyond anyone’s control?
Sounds silly to me yet, at the same time, the mysterious and unexplored has always been my forte.
And, in addition, the events of this past year have opened my eyes to many pieces of this unexplored path and have made me question if I really can do things that I never thought were humanly possible.
To live the way I always have lived or to explore uncharted territory?
Can’t make a decision to save my life, and for obvious reasons I feel
Ah, alas. Only the future shall tell I suppose